Off the blog
I began and ended a relationship off the blog.
Until two weeks ago, I have been cheerfully dating a man whose blog-name, “Anand,” meant “happiness” in Sanskrit. I wanted to tell you more, because there were oodles of stories and conversation one-liners and moments of sunshine that filled the edges of our relationship. In the two weeks since, despite a heavy reluctance to talk about the departure of a man so dear, I have found myself leaning on one phrase: “It was a good relationship.” And it was. Yet in a relationship that could be best characterized with the word “honest,” I never told Anand about this blog, nor did I write about him. And I’m at peace with keeping it at that: off the blog.
Language is a limiting thing, a fact this blog has shown me again and again. In a previous post about another un-blogged relationship, I wondered:
“Am I protecting the sweet moments between two people who find each other in this mad world? Why would I want to diffuse that magic by releasing it into the hands of commenters who have not experienced the same magic, who do not know me or him or the context within which the first flickerings of love appear?”
There is something here I cannot verbalize, but it is akin to the moment when, after a journey that may have been so transformative that you returned a different person, someone naively asks, “What was it like?“
What was it like? If you ask me to elucidate my thoughts on why Anand and I worked, I don’t want to find the words. There is a language of experience, whether it be travel or love, that surpasses linguistic limits. And while it does not make for good blogging, it does make for good living.
It’s good to be back, on the blog.