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Single CAN feel this good.

September 24, 2010

I’m feeling like a star, you can’t stop my shine.
I’m loving cloud nine, my head’s in the sky.
I’m solo, I’m riding solo,
Now I’m feeling how I should,
never knew single could feel this good. (Sophia Lazo Molina)

Being single; I’m loving it.

I recently re-connected with Thor, the man who I naively let break my heart a couple of months ago. He had to meet with me for a work thing. Needless to say, I was a little nervous. He seemed to be too. When he first texted me – I had deleted his number and asked who it was – he replied, “Someone who needs to clear the air.” Funny; I didn’t even recognize his voice when we talked on the phone.

We set up a time, and met to talk over a paper he needed reviewed. I reviewed it. We caught up on each other’s tumultuous summers. And then he left, his hand briefly squeezing my shoulder.

And I was ok. More than ok. I realized that, despite the rawness of what happened between him and I, I was over him. And I promptly accepted an invitation to visit a nightclub – alone.

And then it got me thinking. About my Month of Noa time when I said “no” to every date that was proffered me and all the happy singledom that has occurred as a result – and all I could think was: You’ve come a long way, baby.”

At first, after my breakup with The Big Ex, I was more concerned with the thought, “Am I attractive? Do men want me?” I wasn’t sure I could connect with others like I had with my ex. Then I dated (and broke up with) others – Edgar, Ansel, Francois and even Jeremi – and I realized that:

  1. Yes, I AM attractive to men. Very much so. I can’t seem to get rid of them, actually. I know; this is a good problem, but it’s still a problem.
  2. Yes, I CAN connect with other men. Absolutely. We’re talking midnight talks that stretch into the morning light, the kind of talks that challenge your life views and push you forward.

So. It’s no longer a question of can I make a connection? I’m now asking myself the question who am I making this connection with? It’s about quality, not quantity.

And then I thought: What’s wrong with being single anyway? Until I meet that Man of Quality, why bother with flings and relationships that I know from the outset won’t fit anyway? No, it’s time to cut the strings loose. The last few weeks of singledom have made me happier than I could ever have imagined. I enjoy my own company. Thoroughly.

So, in honor of happy singledom, I present snapshots from former (and more recent) Dates with Myself, in which food, travel and art played a dominant role:

She isn't me, but I DID backpack through Europe when I was 19 years old. For three weeks. By myself. Yeah, Mom freaked out a bit. :)

At a British pub ... many times (1999-2002)

Multiple late night walks through Seoul. Mmm, I miss that city. (2003-2006)

Playing around with home-made henna (2007)

Exploring New York all by myself for two weeks (2008)

Sunrise walks through the snow in Norway (2009)

Learning how to SURF! (2009 - now)

Discovering modern art galleries, like I did with the Arizona State University gallery (2009)

Visiting a nightclub ... by myself (last night)

That’s an active and happy single life. Compiling that list only makes me appreciate my singledom all that more. I know I can attract many men. Last night’s double-header of parties confirmed this point, once again, as several guys approached me, danced with me and asked for my number. If I wanted, I could be a player, a.k.a. Samantha Jones (or a straight version of L Word’s Shane), but I want more than that. So I’m clearing my head and embracing being single. And there’s nothing wrong with that, contrary to what a life time of romantic comedies have told me:

Last night I was dancing with a guy who had MJ-like moves and a sharp-looking fedora that I borrowed for a couple of dances. And as he leaned in to yell into my ear, he asked, “Who did you come here with?”

“Myself,” I responded.

“No,” he replied, refuting me.

“Yes,” I said, “It’s just me.” And then I smiled widely at him. He looked my way, then thanked me for the dance and left. And that was fine with me.

So when Jason Derulo’s song “Riding Solo” came out, I knew I had discovered my new anthem. Single can and does feel this good, despite how others perceive it:

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22 Comments leave one →
  1. September 24, 2010 8:10 pm

    I prefer company. Good company. But solo is better than bad company. There’s always Denny DelVecchio. Wait, he’s not ours.

    • Zoë Blue permalink
      October 1, 2010 2:20 pm

      ;) Cute.

      Yes, I prefer good company too. And good food. I’m an extrovert, so being around people is an often-necessary part of my daily interactions. However, I’d rather focus on more platonic and deeper friendships rather than fiery-hot beginnings with multiple men, especially when I know the type of man I’d like to be with. Until I meet someone who piques my interest, I’m all good with relishing the joys of singledom. :)

  2. September 25, 2010 10:22 am

    I love you for sharing this.

    It’s amazing what a little solo time can do for one’s spirit!!!

    • Zoë Blue permalink
      October 1, 2010 2:20 pm

      It’s incredible, isn’t it? :)

      Keep on rocking the happy solo time, Shauna.

  3. September 25, 2010 10:34 am

    This is such a great post!

    I have been totally and completely single for most of my dating life. I’m one of those girls that all the guys love…to be friends with.

    I’m used to being single. It’s how it is.

    But it wasn’t until a year ago when I was on the receiving end of a bad break up that I started to appreciate how great and freeing it is to be single. I’m involved in so many organizations and activities that now? I LOVE doing things alone.

    • Zoë Blue permalink
      October 1, 2010 2:23 pm

      Thank you, Karen! It’s great to see new readers on this site too, so I haven’t gotten around to it but WELCOME and THANK YOU for stopping by. :)

      There are benefits to being single, just as there are benefits to being in a relationship. At this point in my life, I’m relishing the benefits of singledom, because when I’m in a relationship again, I don’t want to wish I had made better use of my solo free time. :)

      Keep on giving back to the community around you, Karen; I often find that I receive love when I give it.

  4. September 27, 2010 12:29 pm

    You are awesome Zoe & you have done so many cool things! This post is really inspiring.


    • Zoë Blue permalink
      October 1, 2010 2:32 pm

      Simone, the admiration is mutual. Thank you for being inspired and also inspiring. :)

  5. September 27, 2010 10:48 pm

    So weird…I JUST wrote a post about this (to be published soon)…great minds think alike. Glad to see an awesome lady enjoying her awesome singleness :)

    • Zoë Blue permalink
      October 1, 2010 2:34 pm

      Great minds DO think alike, SSD. Feel free to post the link to your new post when you’ve published it. I’d love to read it, as I’m sure a lot of us would. :)

  6. Vodka and Ground Beef permalink
    September 28, 2010 5:13 pm

    You’re awesome. I needed this post.

    • Zoë Blue permalink
      October 1, 2010 2:35 pm

      I’m glad I was here to fill the needs of a funny, smart lady. :)

  7. October 5, 2010 11:11 am

    Here is the link honey-pie…my take on Singledom (referencing you :P and other bloggers)

    Army Fun or Being All the Single I Can Be

    • Zoë Blue permalink
      October 11, 2010 3:04 pm

      SSD, you are FUN. You know that, right? *like* And thanks for the link!

  8. October 5, 2010 2:58 pm

    Just found your blog! It’s great! And being single is GREAT – especially when you are doing fun things like seeing the world! I however have never had the balls to go solo to a nightclub. Well done!

    • Zoë Blue permalink
      October 11, 2010 3:06 pm

      Welcome to my blog! Glad you’re liking it so much! :)

      Yes, going solo to a nightclub was definitely a first time for me. I really enjoyed it though. Danced my heart out whenever I wanted, and took a break whenever I wanted. Danced with a couple of cute guys, but mostly just by myself or with (new) girl friends. :)

  9. December 7, 2010 7:48 pm

    Most of the times blogs are the same but i think that your blog can be an exception. Cheers !


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